"You’re not Kanye West, I will not be honored by your lateness."
- Temple University, Management in Sport and Recreation
"It makes me so happy to have an excuse to say ‘Bitches and hos.’"
- Temple University, English
"If you can’t get a chuckle out of a massacre, I’m not doing my job."
- Dalhousie University, History
"I would rather shave my testicles with a rusty razor than testify in court."
- Temple University, Organized Crime
"Sometimes my students come trick or treating at my house. I see a lot of whores."
- University of Rhode Island, Communications
"Art History is the single most important subject you can study because it teaches you to cope with the shock of being human."
- Cabrillo College, Introduction to Art History
"Because I just can’t keep it my mouth long enough."
- Temple University, Biology
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"Sometimes a bitch needs to get slapped with some dick!"
- SUNY Oswego, English 326
"Cats, they’re such sluts you can’t control them"
- Temple University, Intellectual Heritage 2